Baby Mama Drama

Over the course of the past few months Adam and I have spent about 5 minutes a little bit of time talking about the whole Labor and Delivery process and what we want and don't want.  It really hasn't been a big debate because we pretty much both want the same things.  I'm not doing the whole "writing out my birth plan and taking it to the hospital" like you see on A Baby Story.  Basically because my birth plan is this:

1. Drugs- For anyone and everyone who needs them.  

2. Get baby out- I don't care how.

See, not too demanding, right? 

Drugs:

I can promise you that you don't have to worry about me toughing it out and seeing how far I can go into labor without an epidural.  If they could just meet me in the parking deck with the epidural, that'd be fine and dandy with me.  There is not one fiber in my body that wants to try to be strong and drug free...no way Jose.  

Birthing Process:

When the time comes to push this little sucker out, the plan is to have only Adam and my Mom in there.  At first it was going to be just Adam, but then we were all, "Umm, who's going to take pictures??"  Adam said he would, but I want him to be in them so that wasn't going to work out! Obviously, I don't want pictures of her actually coming out, I've seen several babies be born and I (personally) am scarred for life.  I have the chills right now just replaying those images in my head.

I think from the moment we knew I was pregnant we have agreed that Adam is strictly forbidden to watch.  He's got a weak stomach, and there is no reason why he needs to watch what's going on down there, it's not pretty, it's not like when she comes out there's going to be glitter and fireworks coming out of my vag.  More like stretching, tearing, a river of blood, then the delivery of the placenta and more oozing of bodily fluids.  No one should have to see that.

Adam has said that he doesn't want to watch, he's going to stay planted up by my head and I've already told my doctor that there will be no, "Oh Adam, come look at your beautiful baby girl coming out!!!" People have said "Ohhh but it's different when it's your own child." 

No no no no NO! 

Also, what there won't be is the whole, "Do you want a mirror?? Ohh ok, she's almost out, Lindsay, reach down and grab your baby!" (Sidenote: I don't know if they do this at my hospital, but I've seen it on TLC and now I'm paranoid).  See, I didn't go to medical school.  There is no reason why I should be pulling a baby out of anything, that's my doctors job.  And not one part of me wants a mirror to watch myself pop out a baby, and possibly poop on the table.  Who wants to see that?!?!?!?!?!!??!

I want it to be a remotely calm experience, everyone doing their own job and hopefully not screaming "PUSH PUSH PUSH!" and yelling,"ALMOST THERE!!!" and total chaos.  Just the doctors and nurses getting Presley out, me pushing, Adam holding my hand, and my Mom taking pictures (from an appropriate angle of course).  That's all I want.

I do realize that this is just a "plan" and everything could go totally different.  I mean, if there's going to be a C-Section involved then I've got to come up with a totally different game plan! But, I know things change and usually don't go as expected.  This is just a "Ohhhh how nice a lovely it would be if this is how the whole she-bang went down" kind of plan.

So here's to hoping the next 60-something days fly by so we can meet our cute little butterball!!!