Blog Archive

June 30, 2011

Rolltide @ City Cafe

I ran across this little video from a friend.  It was taken in
a great restaurant in Tuscaloosa called City Cafe....
great food, cheap prices, and always packed full of people.
 Turn up the volume so you can hear it good!    
THIS IS The University of Alabama!

Enjoy,

Adam

June 28, 2011

36 weeks



how far along?
 36 weeks...for the sake of this post.  I'm technically really going to be 37 weeks on Thursday!

total weight gain?
I just got back from the doctor and I weigh 149, so I am up a total of 28 pounds. The nurse said I shouldn't gain too much more weight at this point! 

stretch marks?
None! I can tell you though, I'm going to be pissed off if they decided to show up this late in the game.    

sleep?
Can we say insomniac?? I usually get up 3 or 4 times to pee, then am up for good around 6:00 am.  Guess I better get used to it, huh? 

best moment this week?
Lots of good moments this week. That's a change for once! My baby shower was this weekend and I had my weekly appointment today.  Things like that make the time go by faster which is good because I know the last few weeks feel like they drag on and on and on!  

worst moment this week?
Can't think of any....that's got to be a good thing I guess!

movement?
Yup. More specifically- movement directly on my bladder.  You know what that leads too...yup, more peeing on myself.  I'm still baffled by the fact that there hasn't been a diaper invented specifically for pregnant women. 

cravings?
Icee's and tap water.  Pretty much anything nice and cold.  I sat in the "food court" part of Target the other day and demolished an Arctic Freeze like it was my job. You know you need more excitement in your life when you go to Target to get an Icee and people watch.... 

gender?
Girl!

labor signs?
No contractions or anything.  The doctor said she has dropped even more and my cervix is "softening".  Sounds appetizing doesn't it? **gag**

belly button?
To pop, or not to pop? That is the question. 

what I miss?
Do we really need to go there?

symptoms?
If we're being honest here, my main symptom this week is bitchy-ness & my patience for stupid people is slowly running out. I've also started having the most stupendous acid reflux that ever existed which is just delightful. I throw up in my mouth about 3 times a day from it. 

Nom nom nom.

what I'm looking forward to?
Moving on Friday! Well, not the actual moving but more like getting Presley's room set up and getting all of her crap things set up.

weekly wisdom?
Never ever ever EVER Google "mucous plug" or "episiotomy".  If I would've known the specifics about both of those things 9 months ago I'm sure I wouldn't be pregnant right now.  

Maybe that's why I've been throwing up a little bit lately. Hm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had my weekly appointment and I seem to be right on track!  She checked me and then said the most glorious words I've ever heard...."Looks like we should be able to induce you on the 15th!"
WHAT THE WHAT???
I almost jumped off the table and gave her a big hug but then realized that I had no pants on, so that would've been pretty awkward.

As of right now I am not dilated but she is confident that I will be in 2 weeks.  I go back next Tuesday (they're closed on Monday, the day I usually go) and hopefully I've made some progress. All I need is one measly centimeter to schedule my induction!

Since I will be 37 weeks on Thursday that means I am considered "term" and can start trying to get things started on my own.  I plan on staying on my feet all day at work, going on a nightly walk, doing the "maritals" (sorry Dad!!), and maybe the occasional jumping on the trampoline during my lunch break at work.  I kid, I kid.

Alrighty, guess that's all for now. Big girl has gotta go eat now!
HOLLA!



June 27, 2011

Baby Shower

I think today it officially hit me that I am about to have a baby. Better late than never, right? 

Today was my baby shower and OH MY GOSH I got so much stuff! More specifically, lots of pink stuff! We better hope our next little nugget is a girl, otherwise our little boy is going to have to deal with all of his toys being pink! 

The shower was at the clubhouse of the apartments we are moving into at the end of the week (hall-a-lu-yer!) and it's nice a roomy so we wouldn't be cramped.We weren't expecting a bunch of people, since it's summer time a lot of people are on vacation right now!  My Mom, Aunt, and Grandmother worked their tails off for the last few days to get everything set up.  This morning when I called my Mom to see where they were she told me that she was at the clubhouse waiting on the maintenance man because the air conditioner wasn't working!  Of course it wasn't, why would the AC work on the day of my shower when it's hot as h-e-double hockey sticks outside?

I drove over there because I had to drop a few things off and it actually wasn't that bad inside.  It definitely could have been worse.  My Mom, on the other hand, was sweating like a hog because she had her feathers ruffled about it being broken.  The poor guy who came to fix it said it was frozen and that it may or may not turn back on. I had a mini freak out in my head but remained calm..I mean, worse things could've happened and we were getting fans to bring in.  

My Mom though.  Oh boy. She let the poor maintenance man HAVE IT! She was pissed and yelling at firmly informing this guy that we were getting our money back (there was a $175 rental fee and $175 deposit) and blah blah blah.  He was seriously scared for his life.  She left to go get ready and me and my aunt Rah Rah finished setting up.  

Any-who-zle...the AC actually started working about halfway into the shower and between that and the fans it wasn't bad at all.  My Mom ended up talking to the manager and we got all of our money back...HOLLA!

Oh oh OH! And on top of the AC breaking, my cake was all jacked up too! It was supposed to be white icing- it was yellow.  The princess crown and writing on the cake looked like my 3 1/2 year old niece wrote it.  Believe me, my Mom said she was going to take care of that too! I didn't really care about the looks of the cake because it still tasted sooo good! If you've never had a cake from Publix you're missing out!

We got SO many great gifts! Sleepers, bibs, bows, toys, our baby monitors, a play gym, a super cool mobile, clothes, gift cards...so much more! Too much to list!

It's a good thing we are moving this week because I am ready to get all of PDizzle's stuff set up. People, the nesting is seriously about to be at an all time high!

Adam and I are so thankful for everyone that came and gave us such great gifts! We've also received a ton of presents from other people that we already have at our house so I think we are officially set on the things we need (with the exception of a few things)!

A friend from work is selling me her Medela Double Electric Breast Pump for $20.

BOOM! Talk about a steal..I'm pretty pumped (no pun intended) about that!

All we need now is a crib mattress, curtains, the bouncy/vibrating seat, more bottles/pacifiers....oh
AND A FREAKIN' BABY!!!

Speaking of needing the baby...I could not be more ready-physically.  I'm fat, swollen, can't breath, can't move, acid reflux is taking over my life, I eat more Tums than I probably should, I've peed enough in the past few weeks that I have heavily considered sleeping on the toilet, shall I go on or do you believe me when I say I am ready?

I'm hoping at my appointment this week that I've made some progress and we can get this party started.  My doctor will not let me go past my due date which is comforting because I think I'd literally die.  Or explode from fatness. If I am dilated even just 1 cm by the 15th then she will take me then.  So either by the 15th or no later than the 22nd I will have this little meatball outta me, and honestly, I couldn't be more excited!

Adam came to the shower and was assigned "picture duty".  Part of me is regretting that because not only am I fat and swollen, I've got to get my hair done, and I've gained one big fat roll on my face.  Rather than having 43 chins, I just have one big one and it's taking over my face.  The pictures just make it worse.  If you can bare it, here's a picture over load below!

Click on them to make them bigger..but beware: It will enlarge my already large self!



June 21, 2011

35 weeks




how far along?
 35 weeks...why is it going by sooooo slow?

total weight gain?
The scale on Monday said 148, which would put me up 27 pounds...BUT, I didn't take my shoes off this time, so I am subtracting one pound.  I'm saying I'm officially up 26 pounds and you can kiss my butt if you think the weight of my shoes don't matter! 

stretch marks?
None...although Adam has informed me that he can "see where my stomach is about to start hanging"?! Whatever that means, so he told me to make sure I always wear my support belt thingy.  

sleep?
Non-existint at this point.  I've also had a sinus infection so I can't breath for the life of me! Another issue is Princess Adam taking up the entire bed.  I look over and he's surrounded by 15 pillows smack dab in the middle of the bed.  Add my big ol' self and my pregnancy pillow and there's no room left.  Someone is about to start sleeping on the couch. 

best moment this week?
I started my weekly doctors appointments.  She checked me and said that I wasn't dilated any, but Presley had dropped some and my "cervix has centered"?! I don't know what that means and Heaven forbid I even ask her.  I guess I was still recovering from the Q-tip swap across the bunghole Group B Strep Test..which, by the way is not what I had worked myself up to be.  

worst moment this week?
This stupid sinus infection.  It started on Thursday but I felt my worst yesterday.  I literally thought that I might suffocate on my own snot.  I asked my doctor is she could just give me a shot, but instead she gave me a prescription for a ZPack which has helped a little bit.  I think it's making me super nauseas though.  I also had a pretty dramatic sneezing attack in Michael's yesterday.  My eyes were pouring water so I think everyone in the store thought I was crying.  

I also have started peeing literally every 10 minutes.  That's not an exaggeration either.

movement?
Always.  She gets the hiccups about 3 times a day.  Earlier in my pregnancy people always said,"oh just wait until she gets the hiccups, it's such a cute feeling!" Well, you know me-Negative Nancy-I don't like it.  She is also running out of room in there which makes movement really painful!

cravings?
Pancakes and waffles.  I had to send Adam to the store to get more syrup and he came home with some kind of "all natural" crap.  I prefer Aunt Jemima and think that right now is not the best time to switch things up on me so I was a little ticked.  But since I've been sick I can't taste the difference anyways.  Poor Adam, he wants me to eat healthy so badly. 

gender?
A little Princess!

labor signs?
I don't think. But when everything hurts all the time how do you tell the difference between labor and regular pregnancy symptoms?

belly button?
The top is an outtie, and the bottom is an innie.  I give up on a dramatic change of the BB.

what I miss?
Not waddling,  being able to sit up without Adam either pushing or pulling me, breathing, sleeping, you name it- I miss it.

symptoms?
I don't even know what this means any more.  Everything is a symptom. 

what I'm looking forward to?
My baby shower on Sunday! I'd be lying if I said I was most pumped about presents and visiting with friends and family because we all know I am most excited about the cake.  Publix bakery is the bomb.com and I plan on gaining 32 pounds at my shower.  Ok ok ok, I am excited about seeing everyone and getting presents too :) 

weekly wisdom?
When you're almost 9 months preggo and you have a sneezing attack, it's best that you just go sit on the toilet.  Because chances are, you're going to pee a little...or a lot.

June 19, 2011

Sunday Funday!

Numero Uno:
Happy Father's Day! Adam and I are very blessed to have our Dad's 
(and my wonderful Step Dad!), and Grandfathers in our lives.  My Dad does 
everything in his power to make sure that I have everything
I need, he's always been encouraging, and is always there for me when
I need him! I'm so glad Adam's Dad taught him so many important
life lessons and has been such a great role model for Adam throughout
his life, I know that Adam will take everything he's learned from his Dad and 
Grandpa to be a great Dad to little Presley! We hope they've all had a 
great Father's Day today!



Numero Dos:
Today Adam and I spent the day out in the country at Kristen's parents house.  
I usually go lay out here every weekend rather than a public pool, because
let's be honest...an almost 9 month preggo woman in a bikini
may cause a few head turns and stares! So today we headed over to their house!
It was her sisters birthday party so they were cooking out also! Hello!! I was
a hungry hungry hippo and ate two cheeseburgers! It was fun, Kristen was actually
there so we got to hang out for a bit, too! 

After we ate Adam went and picked some fresh blueberries to bring home.  
I have a cold so after I sneezed 413 times in a row we came home so 
I could lay down.  Adam got us Subway for din din and now we are
watching the Miss USA pageant.  We only watch so we can see if
any of the girls will fall or not.  Sad, but true.

Here are some pictures from today! You can click on the collage to make it bigger.
I go to the doctor tomorrow for my weekly checkup!


June 18, 2011

maternity pics sneak peak

This past Monday Adam and I took maternity pictures with Megan Forehand! We took them at my best friends parents house out in the country! We got lucky because the sun wasn't out so instead of it being 146 degrees out, it was only 107 degrees.  A cold front, if you will.  

She took around 250 pictures, and these are just a few that she's edited so far.  It should be a few weeks before she's done with the rest!


Adam says this one is his favorite.  I'm wondering if it's because my face and 400 chins is not in it.


This one happens to be one of my fav's. My hair looks really short here and it's a decent angle for my arms that in real life seem fatter.  


I like this one, except I feel like Adams hand on my stomach is really awkward. Dang it, should've moved my hair to the front to cover up that arm pit fat!


Love this one. But shoot, look at all that junk in my trunk! It's like, boobs, stomach, and butt own this picture!




June 15, 2011

34 weeks




how far along?
 34 weeks...THE LIGHT!! I SEE IT!!

total weight gain?
I didn't gain any weight from my last doctors appointment, leaving me up 25 pounds still.  I honestly don't know how that's possible because I ate SO much food cake at my Dad's wedding.  I guess it paid off though that I was sweating like a hog the whole time!

stretch marks?
None still! Although, I don't know how much more my skin can stretch without getting them. My stomach is so tight!

sleep?
SUCKS DONKEY BUTT! That's the only way I know how to put it.  I wake up about 4 times to pee no matter if I drank just one sip of water or a whole gallon.  Then on top of that, if I want to roll over I have to literally pick up my stomach and move it. Then there's the re-arranging of the pillows, trying to not wake my unborn child up so she won't kick me for an hour, then falling back asleep before it's time to wake up and pee again.  I may try sleeping on the toilet in the next week or so.

best moment this week?
I had an ultrasound done so I got to see sweet little P! I didn't have much fluid so the 4D pictures didn't turn out at all.  I've learned to not get my hopes up about getting a good 4D picture because my fluid levels just suck.  But we did get to see her on the regular ultrasound and she was super cute.  She was asleep and smacking her lips a lot which is super cute because Adam does the same thing when he sleeps!  

We also had our maternity pictures done! Megan Forehand did them and I can't wait to see how they turned out! I will share the "sneak preview" that she posted on Facebook!

worst moment this week?
I had another lovely UTI. For those of you keeping up (which I hope you're not!) this is UTI #3! I called the nurse on Thursday and asked if they could call me in another prescription but since I've had so many she said I needed to go in and pee in a cup give them a urine sample.  No biggie, it should only take a few minutes right? Me and some girls from work went to lunch at O'Charley's and they were fine with running me by the doctor.  We got there and the nurse told me that she thought I should wait and see the doctor so I told the girls to head back to the salon since they had appointments coming.

3 hours later I finally got to leave (my Mom had to come pick me up and take me back to work). I saw the doctor (not my dr.) who thought it'd be best to catheterize me and give me a big ol' Rocefin shot in the butt cheek.  

And what was the diagnosis? A motherbleepin' UTI....like I had already concluded. But I'm glad I went since I was headed to Huntsville the next day, the shot helped a lot!

movement?
Dare I say, too much?  It hurts, so sometimes it gets old.  But I love to feel her wittle feet poke out every now and then :)

cravings?
Lucky Charms, ice cold water, and smoothies! 

gender?
Girl!

labor signs?
None yet! I am expecting some within the next few weeks though! I will be considered "term" at the end of this month and will be doing every old wives tale known to man kind to get this butter bean out of me!

belly button?
Somehow, someway it's still an innie! It's literally hanging on for dear life! When I eat a big meal it will poke out more and more

what I miss?
Umm...not having to wear a "support belt" to hold up this big beach ball.  It helps my back so much though! I also can't wait to be able to sleep on my stomach again!

symptoms?
leg cramps, waddling, vag pains, lack of oxygen, exhaustion, extra bitchy-ness...the list goes on.

what I'm looking forward to?
I'm now going to the doctor every week where they start "checking me".  We all know how fun that should be.  What's even more fun than having an arm shoved up my goods? Oh, I'm so glad you asked! 

Next week they are going to test me for Group B Strep by "swabbing the outside of my bottom" (that's exactly what the nurse told me).  In normal people terms: they're going to stick a q-tipp up my butt.  It should be fun times for everyone.  I can't wait until Presley is a grown up and I can say,"AND AFTER ALL I'VE DONE FOR YOU!!!" 

weekly wisdom?
We all know I haven't had the best wisdom through out this journey, but one thing I can definitely tell you is to never never never leave town without your pregnancy pillow.  We stayed with some friends in Huntsville one night and I slept horribly because I didn't have my pillow!

Here is a collage of my growing tum tum so far! I never knew how skinny I was before...until now!

June 13, 2011

Summertime

Here is a video Adam made, this is from a few weekends ago when I was at my Dads! Make sure you watch it in HD by clicking on the "360p" in the bottom right corner and click on "720p"!

June 12, 2011

blog makeover & weekend fun

Well boys & girls, like my new look? I finally bit the bullet and paid someone to redesign the old blog-a-roo.  I got tired of mine only looking half way professionally done, so I contacted Tenille from Templates by Tenille  and she gave it the perfect touch! She is very reasonably priced and works super fast.  Like, had it done within a few days of me contacting her.  She would have been done much sooner but I was super annoying very picky about what I wanted! Anywho, it looks great and as soon as PDizzle gets here and we have some pictures made we are going to redo the header!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This past weekend was very eventful.  My Dad and Missy got married at their house in Huntsville and there were lots and lots of people, lots and lots of food, and lots and lots and lots of wedding cake for this fatty.  Seriously, I'm not going to give out an exact number of how many pieces of cake I had, but to give you a ballpark range...it was between 5-8 pieces.  

But that's neither here nor there, so let's move on.

Missy is from New Meh-he-co Mexico (they met through work) so she made the big move to good ol' Bama.  Bless her, that's love! We had never met her side of the family so it was a lot of fun to get to know them! She has two kids, Jeff & Nikki, who are just a wee bit younger than I am! They won't be moving here, they go back to NM next week, but we hope to see them more often now that they're family! 

The ceremony was short and sweet which was stupendous because Yours Truly wouldn't have made it in the blistering hot for much longer.  If you weren't aware that it is possible to sweat in between your toes, just take my word for it.  Not to mention that for the majority of the ceremony all I could think about was "wouldn't it be momentous if my water broke right now??" 

But it didn't. 

I thought it did but it turns out that was just sweat dripping down my back...then down my leg...talk about a visual, huh?

After everyone ate all of the kids got in the water to cool off and they had a dandy ol' time.  I had a bathing suit on but for everyone's safety never took my dress off. Adam joined the kids and played for a while so when it came time to come home he was exhausted.  And being the diva that I am, I refused to drive any of the way home.  Adam stopped for a Red Bull and we were off. Poor guy, he really must love me :)

We were glad to be home but can't wait to go back up to Huntsville and see everyone again soon! Adam took lots of pictures but we just threw some into a collage for the blog! 

Please note that I am extremely large in the few pictures that we have.  I'm ignoring the fact that I am 8 1/2 months pregnant and just blaming all of the swelling on the heat and hoping that I don't always look like a big swollen sausage.







June 8, 2011

33 weeks





How far along? 33 weeks. Like I've said before, I'm not ever sure when to actually do these updates.  I usually post these a week behind so I can go through the entire past week.  Probably doesn't make any sense but it's a little late now, don't ya think?

Total weight gain: The last appointment I had I was up 25 pounds.  Let's not talk about it mmkay?

Stretch marks? None!

Sleep: Not that great, but I'm not really expecting it to be at this point.  To be honest, I'm not expecting much from anything at this point. There's nothing positive about the last handful of pregnancy except that you can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Best moment this week: Still enjoying pool time.  I spent the majority of the weekend feeling weightless while I floated and it was stupendous.  What really sucks is when you get out of the pool and are then reminded that you weigh as much as a bus.   

I also went up to Birmingham to meet Kristen and Page for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory! It's my favorite place evah and it's been rumored that we may be getting one here in Tuscaloosa.

Yeah boyyyyyyyyyyy!

Worst moment this week: Adam eating tuna for the past two nights.  It baffles me how he hasn't grasped the meaning of "please don't eat tuna because I can smell it from a mile away and it makes me want to barf all over your pillow".  

Surprisingly, that's my only complaint this week which has got to be a great improvement! 

Movement: Long story short: there's just not enough room in there for little PDizzle.  I'm pissed. She's pissed. We are all pissed.  It's cramped and movement hurts.

Food cravings: Sonic! Dare I say they spank any other place in the world for the best drinks?! Is it just me or are soft drinks better when they're served in styrofoam cups?! 

Gender: Girl-Presley Grace! 

Labor signs: Unless "constant growing of multiple chins" is a sign of labor then I think I am in the clear.   

Belly button in/out: That bad boy is really beginning to tick me off.  It wants to be an outtie so bad but it just doesn't have the balls guts to just go for it and pop.  

What I miss: Being able to get out of bed without "rolling" off.  It makes me feel like such a fatty.  I also miss not breaking the toilet seat every time I sit on it.  Seriously, the seat is coming off the hinges and I am only blaming myself.

Symptoms: Constant peeing, horrible lower back/hip pain, exhaustion, heartburn...the list goes on.

What I am looking forward to: Well, there's lots going on during the next few days! My Dad is getting married this week! We should be getting an ultrasound tomorrow or Friday, then on Monday we are having our maternity pictures made! 

Let's all take a moment of silence for the forecasted 100 degree weather on Monday.  

I am tempted to hire someone to fan me for the entire session so I'm not profusely sweating in all of the pictures.

Whelp, that's one more week down...PEOPLE!! Do you know what this means? I'm almost done cooking this meatball!
  

June 5, 2011

a mother's prayer for her child...

...by Tina Fey

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.
May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.
When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.
Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.
Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.
May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.
Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.
O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.
And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.
And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,”she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.
Amen.”
-Tina Fey


**Scroll down for a new post.  But read with caution!!!**

a post dedicated to my vag.

Two things before we get started:

1) If you don't want to read an entire post about my girly parts (say, people like my Dad or maybe Adams friends!?) I highly recommend you just exit out of this screen...pronto.

and

2) I must clarify the "vag" is pronounced like vadge...not vag (like bag). Why I don't just spell it like "vadge", I don't know. I just don't. I also don't know what else to call it because honestly, I refuse to be a mature adult and call it a vagina.  I can't.

OKAY!!!!

One thing I wish I had been more warned about in the early stages of pregnancy is how much my vag would be affected. All of my concerns were geared towards stretch marks, cankles, and bad acne.  Turns out that at almost 34 weeks pregnant none of those are issues.  

 I wish I would have known how bad it would ache.  I'll be at work, just-a-workin' and all of a sudden gasp and hold myself like I'm a toddler about to pee my pants.  It just shoots with pain for a few seconds and then I'm all dandy again until the next episode.  I'm sure our clients don't think it's weird...at all.  

Maybe I should just greet my clients like this, "Hi, I'm Lindsay and I will be your Massage Therapist today.  Please excuse my frequent gasps and screams during your relaxing massage, but I have an achey vag."

But I don't.  I don't even massage anymore, I'm on "massage maternity leave" and now only work the front desk. 

Another thing I was unaware of it how true it is that after so many months of being pregnant, you can't see down below.  That causes a few problems.  The main one being, um, wondering what in tarnation it still looks like and what condition it's in! I finally gave in on Friday and called up "my waxer".  I went after work, went into the room, and gave her a warning that I have no idea what's going on down there, but the last thing I want is for my precious baby girl to come into the world and the first thing she sees to be something cave woman-like.

So naturally just to be safe, the brazilian wax was my only option.

But fear not my friends, this wasn't my first rodeo, I've only ever done brazilians so I was prepared.  Or so I thought. Apparently when you're pregnant things are more sensitive because oh-my-sweet-baby-Jesus-Lord-be-with-me. IT HURT! 

Poor me.  Poor her.  Poor vag. 

I left and treated myself to a Hot Fudge Sundae from McDonalds. Because I'm like a child who just left the doctors office after getting a shot. I needed a prize.

The next vag travesty is the "checking of the cervix".  I haven't had to be checked at my doctors appointments yet, but when I was getting monitored in the hospital for my UTI the nurse checked me.  Ok, so I "put my feet together and let my knees fall" like I am told and WHAM! The next thing I know the nurses arm is shoved up me like she's digging for the mother-freakin blood diamond.  

I'm pretty sure she could feel my tonsils.

Turns out I have a high cervix.  And now I am assuming that every time I get checked it will be pure torture.  YAY!

But just the thought that a human has to come out of this thing is what freaks me out the most.  Lord have mercy on me please! 

Here's to hoping that the drugs they give during labor will fog my mind to where I'm not concerned about vag destruction.


June 1, 2011

32 weeks







How far along? 32 weeks for the sake of this post.  I will actually be 33 weeks tomorrow!

Total weight gain: Ohhh boy, well, I'm officially well on my way to becoming the beached whale I keep talking about being..I've gained a total of 25 pounds (146 pounds for this girl). I'm pretty sure that eating 58 red velvet cupcakes has nothing to do with that either.  

Stretch marks? No stretch marks & the scar on my stomach hasn't gotten bigger.  But sometime within the past few weeks I've become very...vein-y? My stomach looks like an alien is forming with all of the veins showing through my skin!

Here's a picture from a few weeks ago.  See the veins? 

Sleep: Need more. Not going to happen. Not thrilled about that. Not going to survive. Not very optimistic about any energy coming back. Ever. 

Best moment this week: I had a quick ultrasound, not a 4d or anything but I did get to see the little booger.  I also got to finally figure out how she is positioned in the big ol' tum tum.
Just like the picture below:
 

Worst moment this week: Heartburn is back in full force. I'm eating Tums like it's my job.  Adam started reading the label and informed me that it says "do not consume more than 6 tablets within a 24 hour period." He then asked me how many I had eaten.  Which I replied, "Seven. And that was just during the past hour." 

Perfect!

Movement: Hurts.  

Food cravings: Fried Rice.  I'm planning on going to Tokyo for lunch tomorrow and only eating fried rice. Or maybe I'll go to Hooters and get wings?! Damn you, cravings! 

Gender: Girl-Presley Grace! 

Labor signs: Thought I was having contractions but turns out I had a UTI. More on that in a minute.

Belly button in/out: It's hanging on for dear life. It'll be a complete outtie before too long!  

What I miss: Sleeping on my stomach! I'm so tired of sleeping on my (left) side!

Symptoms: Swollen feet/ankles, aching back,  clumsy-ness, and the lovley aching vag. 

What I am looking forward to: Moving in a few weeks! Then I can finally get her room set up! Right now everything we have for her is in our kitchen..it's ridiculous!

_______________________________

This past week has been a rough one.  I definitely feel very pregnant and strangers don't let me forget that I am knocked up.  Pretty much everyone asks when I'm due, followed by the "Oh, but you're so tiny!!" comment.  It also doesn't help when my (almost) 8 year old nephew says,"Dang Linds, you're about to explode!"

I also made a quick trip to the ER one night.  For the past two weeks I had been having really bad cramping starting at my belly button that would shoot down.  I ignored it for a little bit because I assumed it was just ligaments stretching and all that junk.  After a few more days of it going on non-stop I decided to call the on-call doctor at the hospital.  He told me to take a warm bath and lay down for a little bit to see if that helps.  Well, like the concerned parent I am, I fell asleep and went on with my life.  A few more days pass and I called the nurse at my doctors office just to see if I should be freaking out at this point.  She tells me that it's probably just ligament pain but if I start to bleed or "leak water" to freak out.  I said okay, then started to wonder how I would know if I was "leaking water" if I was spending the whole day in a pool? Naturally, I ignored the pain and got my tan on.  (Sorry this story is dragging on!) Any who, a few days later I finally gave in and called the on call doctor working that night and told him what had been going on.  He told me since it had been going for so long that he'd like for me to come in and get monitored to see if it was contractions.  Adam was out of town so my Mom came over and took me, I got hooked up  to those super annoying belt things and sat there for 20 minutes.  

CONCLUSION TO THIS SUPER ANNOYING STORY.......
a freakin UTI.

One dose of antibiotics and I'm golden. 

Like I said, I'm done. Done. With. Pregnancy.