No, I'm not free..honey child I come with a hefty price tag!
I'M STENT FREE!
I finally got my pee drainers out..but it was not a joyful ride getting those bad boys removed. I was a nervous wreck going in because I knew I wasn't going to be put to sleep for this, not that I needed to be, but I'm a pansy and would rather just be knocked
So let me just tell you about my experience this morn-ting. Because I know you're all dying to know, but frankly, this is the most action my life has had all week and it's my duty to blog about life..so here ya go...
So, I get to the hospital where my Urologist's office is..the 9th floor to be exact, which makes for a long and crowded elevator ride. After stopping on almost every floor to let people out, it was finally just me and another woman..who had a mustache, but that's not important right now. The elevator doors close and she starts creepin' over to where I was and then said...
"Aight, now dat it's just me & you in herrr can you scratch my back? I gotta bump dat's killin' me!"
I'm serious as a heart attack..which I almost had..but instead I scratched her back and she even said,"Okay, yeah..okay left a little...up..up a little more...YEAH RIGHT DERR, you feel dat bump?!"
I'm too kind sometimes, and part of me wanted to say,"Oh hey, since we're still in here, just you and I, can you scratch my butt just a little?!"
But I didn't, because the situation was already awkward enough.
After sitting in the waiting room I finally get called back and of course, I have to pee in the
shot glass and headed on back to the "procedure room" where it looked more like a morgue. The only think I could really focus on was the ticking of a timer and the box of latex surgical gloves that said "Smooth & Professional". What was I really here for?!?! I'll blame the nerves for being a gutter-minded freak today.
Nurse comes in, tells me I have to "get an injection" of Rocephin, then have a scope stuck up my pee hole. Those weren't her exact words but pretty close but just the frownsmile on her face said it all. Pure torture is probably what was written on my chart for what they were about to do with the scope.
And when I say "scope" I really mean, "medical PVC pipe with a light on the end." Scope sounds much more medical though.
I've learned over the last few weeks that when a doctor says it's going to be "uncomfortable" he really means "it's going to hurt like Hell, but I can't say that because I'm a MD who has actually never had this procedure done so I really have no clue what the BLEEP I'm talking about."
So, they stick the pipe in my
pee hole Ureter and pull those mugs out..and it was definitely "uncomfortable"! At one point, when they were looking at the screen and spotted the stent and then pulled it out, the doctor exclaimed,"There she blows"!!!
The doctor then dangled both stents in my face and said,"Look, they're even a pretty bright green color!"
And that automatically made me feel better...........
So anywhoozle, after he tortured me he sat me down and talked to me about what types of stones they were and all that junk. Then he told me that in a few weeks they will need to do a 24 hour urine analysis which will involve me collecting my pee for 24 hours straight! He pretty much explained it like I'd be collecting the pee in a milk jug and to do it on a day where I don't go anywhere.
He must know that I'm not the brightest crayon in the box.
So, that's it. I left stent free and with a sore butt cheek from the shot. Too bad that woman wasn't in the elevator on the way out, I sure could've used a good butt cheek massage!
And just so we are clear, I really do like my doctor even though he says some really weird things!