Attention lawn care workers: Must you come every other day? I know the grass can't possibly grow that fast. Also, if you are going to come 3 days a week can you please schedule the incessant weed whacking by my window around my shows? It's like you know that I'm in the middle of catching up on The Challenge or Ninja Warrior and you must whack the weeds the entire time. LOVE YOU!
Attention Presley: Next time you decide to take a slam in the bath tub a little warning would be nice. Instead you just stand up and let er' go? What did I do to deserve that? Thankfully your Dad was here to scoop it out because I was dry heaving. Love that man. Also? Stop being so cotton pickin' cute when you're not pooping in tubs. K? Oh yeah, you may need to tell the fat guy at the North Pole to bring you new bath toys.
Attention Birmingham: Please repave Lakeshore Parkway. I'm bound to have a flat soon because of the giant valleys that most call potholes.
Attention Toasty: Please don't forget our anniversary that is in two weeks. Also, please don't forget that I'm a fatty and will be needing PF Changs in-mah-bellay at approximately 6:30 that night (we must be home in time for Modern Family). And next time you decided to frolic around in the kitchen please ease up on the Clorox, I'm getting a little woozy. One last thing, thank you for loving me when I'm not showered, wearing no make up, greasy, and lazy all the time. I'm now realizing that you have horrible taste in women. Maybe I'll slab on some make up.
Attention Kelly Ripa: Really? Michael Strahan? I just can't bring myself to watch the show anymore. I was rooting for Seth Meyers. Meh. Whatever.
Attention Presleys Preschool: Lets speed up the carpool lane, shall we? It's super cute when you allow the child to wave to their parents until they're out of sight, but come on.
Attention bloggy friends: It took me 476 hours to make myself a blog button so be a doll and add it to your sidebar! If you have one for me to add to mine leave me a comment and I'll jump all over that. kthanksloveyou!
Attention University of Alabama Football: Roll Tide!