July 23, 2012

parenting advice

Since I am a whole year into this parenting gig I've come to realize that there are a few things that I surely didn't know in the beginning. Most parents attend classes- parenting, birthing, lamaze, breastfeeding..etc. I just so happen to not do any of those because I feel like it's pretty basic. Birthing a baby? You push for 10 seconds and everysingletime the nurse says ,"one more time and it'll be over with" EXCEPT THAT YOU STILL HAVE TWO HOURS TO GO. They tell you it's just like taking the worlds largest poo.

Excpet you poo a baby.

I didn't need a class to tell me how to do that, but that's neither here nor there.

If I am ever a mentor to first time parents, here are a few things I'd tell them to do.

1) You and your HusbandMan need to take sign language classes. Not just a few, you need to be fluent in this. Most men don't know how to use their "inside voice" if their life depends on it. And when it's 2:00 AM and you are trying to whisperyell to your husband to get a burp cloth for the fourhundred&eleventyninth time you're going to wish you had those ASL classes.

Y'all, it's crucial. I don't tell you this for craps and giggles. I tell you because I know what it's like to want to throw a lamp and your poor sweet husband who doesn't know the difference between screaming as if he is at a Slipknot concert or whispering like he's trying to not wake sleeping Jesus.

2) As if the ASL tutoring won't be enough, go ahead and book you the best dang vocal coach that ever did live. Here's the thing, when you finally realize that singing is what makes your little meatball smile and coo, you're going to be singing all day long. And you KNOW you're going to be recording that mess and post it to The Facebook for the whole world to see. That's also when you realize that maybe your voice isn't what you thought it was. I remember thinking at one point in my life that maybe, just maybe, my voice wasn't that bad. But the truth is, EVERYONE sounds great when they sing along with the Dixie Chicks!

Me + "Cowboyyyyyyyy ttaaaaakkkkke me awayyyy" = heavenly angels singing

Me + everything else = something even the Lord can't love

That's where a vocal coach can help. If you don't do it for yourself then please, do it for your FB friends.

3) Dance lessons. Adam will claim that I can't dance, and I've never argued his point.

Now, if you were at Smith's Marina about a week ago and saw that girl doing a little jig outside of the black Yukon?

That was just me trying to get the bumble bee out of our car with an old Taco Bell bag.

I'm sorry if you thought otherwise.

If I would have know how much Presley enjoys dancing I would've been more prepared and had a few hip hop lessons. Adam will also claim that he can cut a rug. If we are being honest here, I really don't know. I've seen him do the "lawnmower" and "shopping cart" move a handful of times. It's nothing I really care for Presley to learn anytime soon.

That's about it. If any of you attend any classes at a hospital soon maybe you can recommend these classes to the instructor.

Laugh now, thank me later.

July 17, 2012

she's one!

Whelp, y'all, I did it! I kept my child alive for 365 consecutive days!

We partied hard, got lots of gifts, ate lots of food, and then I cried. That's what you're supposed to do when your little babynuggetlove has a birthday, right? RIGHT?

We had a joint party for Presley and my nephew Hunter. Their birthdays are only a week apart so instead of having family come into town two weekends in a row we had the party together. And it was cheaper. Score!

Presley had Minnie Mouse decor (kill me now) and Hunter had The Avengers. Each had their own table, cakes, decorations, and all the other junk that goes along with a party.

But the main event was the 16 foot blow up water slide we rented! It was seriously SO much fun! And you can bet your little tail that Yours Truly spent all day on the slide!

Pictures to come later once I get Internet access! Then I will do her 12 month update if I can peel my sobbing self off the floor!

July 10, 2012

whiney ones

Whiney Ones
Y'all. My child. My sweet, chubby, lovable little meatball.

There's not a nice way to say this, so here I go.

P*Nasty is a little witch sometimes! I'm talkin' an attitude of a 13 year old. It's amazing, really!

My Mom says that she just knows what she wants which is basically the same thing as saying she's a little *YOU KNOW WHAT!*

**see, P knew I was talking about her, so she left me a nice little explosive poo diaper. Karma**

Ok, and we are back. That diaper was something I could've lived without. but you know how babies are. Rude.

So yes. My child is a diva and you can bet your sweet badonkadonk that we haven't made her that way! We never give in to her whining, we don't just hand her stuff to keep her quiet, and we sure as heck don't let her work us! And before someone goes all ape $#%* and calls the Mommy Police- we know the difference between her whining and when something really is wrong. We obviously don't ignore her if something is hurting her. But gah-lee, Homegirl can work it!

So this is basically what I need to know- when do we start to actually discipline her?

Also? She just drank half a bottle of shampoo.


I'm outta here.

But not before I show you a picture of PSwizzle lighting up a heater in the bath tub!

July 4, 2012

outta the hood!

Sorry I've been absent! We finally moved out of our apartment and into the lake house we are staying at for a few weeks. The people we are house sitting for usually have Internet but they took the air card with them to Africa, so I'm blogging from my phone!

All of our stuff is in storage, so we basically just brought our clothes! They have a granddaughter so they have a bajillion toys, a baby bed, and a high chair so we didn't even have to worry about packing those! We will only be here for a few weeks, then we will go on vacation to Michigan for almost a week, then if Adam still doesn't have a job we will stay with my Mom and Step Dad for a few weeks until we figure something out!

We are definitely living it up since we are living on the lake! We've taken the boat out and had our friends come stay with us for a few days. Then today for the 4th we had my family over for a cookout!

The house is huge, but it makes me realize that I never want a 2 story house!

Anywho, lots of fun and exciting things coming up. Presley and Hunters birthday party is on the 14th! Michigan on the 25th! Yehaw!

Alrighty, I'll update soon!